I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
