Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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