just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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