and next time when you feel me up, do it right
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
