guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
