Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
