I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
