well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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