i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
