Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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