what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
