i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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