"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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