I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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