I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize