its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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