There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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