hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
