I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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