Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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