I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
