see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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