Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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