I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
