Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
