I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
