Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drive I can fine osifer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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