When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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