I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
