mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
