dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
