Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
