i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
