I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
