Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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