hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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