Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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