Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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