He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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