she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was born a porn star she said
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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