thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
