Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
