Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
