iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
