Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
