Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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