i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
