Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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