We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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