I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
