My balls are so social today.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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