I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
