Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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