I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
