This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
