If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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