Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
