I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
